Cheers and Jeers: Thursday

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

If...

You don't know how to use the internet, you don't know that Czechoslovakia is no longer a country, you don't know Sunni from Shia, you don’t know much about the economy, you're uninformed about women's health issues, you don't know whether you're for or against gay adoption, stem cell research or setting a timetable for withdrawal from Iraq, you don't know what countries share a border with Pakistan, you don't know when the surge began, you no longer object to waterboarding or closing Guantanamo, you don't tell the truth about your votes on veterans issues, you said Putin was the leader of Germany, you think alternative energy means switching from regular to premium, you say you know how to win wars but you haven't actually won any, your idea of a funny joke is suggesting different ways to kill people in other countries, you want to keep giving tax breaks to the wealthy but not the middle and lower class, you confuse Somalia with Sudan, you thought voting for the Iraq war was an exercise in good judgment, you once said "I disagree with what the majority of Americans want," you think Social Security is "a disgrace," your idea of health care is apparently 'take more vitamins,' you voted to support Bush's policies 95 percent of the time last year and 100 percent of the time this year, and over the course of a single week you unfairly attacked both your opponent's patriotism and his humanity...

Then tell me again, Senator McCain: why should Americans vote for you?

Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Thursday July 24, 2008

Note: I asked a senior McCain advisor if the senator had called anyone besides his wife the C-word.  He called me the F-word, the B-word, the Q-word and the LMNOP-word.  That last one hurt my feelings.

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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Bush and Cheney leave office: 179
Days `til the Bangor State Fair: 1
Percent of Americans who agree with the Supreme Court's ruling that individuals have the right to own guns: 73%
Percent who want gun laws to become less strict: 11%
(Source: Gallup poll via The Week)
Amount of revenue Amazon.com loses for every hour the site is down: $1.8 million
(Source: Ad Age)
Number of licensed lobster catchers in Maine: 5,900
(Source: WCSH News)
Number of licensed armadillo catchers in Maine: 0

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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:

You have more political power than 99 percent of all the people who ever lived on this planet.  You can not only vote, you can register other people to vote, round up your friends, get out and do political education, talk to people, laugh with people, call the radio, write the paper, write your elected representatives, use your email list, put up signs, march, volunteer, and raise hell.  All your life, no matter what else you do---butcher, baker, beggerman, thief, doctor, lawyer, Indian chief---you have another job, another responsibility: You are a citizen.  It is an obligation that requires attention and effort.  And on top of that, you should make it into a hell of a lot of fun.

---From Who Let the Dogs In?

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Puppy Pic of the Day: "When does school start, again???"

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CHEERS to Day Four.  Even die-hard Hillary supporters have to admit: Barack Obama is makin' all the right moves on his overseas trip (which, we gleefully remind everyone, the Republicans prodded him to do---ha!) while John McCain just keeps getting angrier and more desperate.  Today---at 10am 1pm eastern---Obama will give a speech in front of a hundred million screaming fans in Berlin, and make history as he addresses them directly:

"Wenn der Mist brav stinkt, so gibts Regen.  Die Frösche quaken wohl, aber das Wetter machen sie nicht.  Trägts Häschen lang sein Sommerkleid, so ist der Winter auch noch weit."

Translation: "When the manure is giving off a good stink, there'll be rain.  The frogs do indeed croak, but they don't make the weather.  If the bunny's wearing his summer coat a long time then winter is still far off."  Trust me---it'll bring the Germans to tears, and dislodge any food that's stuck in the back of Obama's throat.  Everybody wins.  Except, of course, McCain.

CHEERS to easy choices.  There's a new NBC News/Wall Street Joinal poll out, and the results are interesting.  Americans say that, given the choice between eating a tomato, spinach, jalapeño, mad cow, Vioxx and Menu Foods pet food salad and voting for John McCain, they'll gladly pick the death salad.  Oh, and there's this:

Obama’s lead over McCain expands to 13 points when third-party candidates Ralph Nader and Bob Barr are added into the mix — with Obama at 48 percent, McCain at 35 percent, Nader at 5 percent and Barr at 2 percent. ...

According to the poll, 44 percent of Obama voters say they are excited about their candidate, but only 14 percent of McCain voters say that of the Arizona Republican. ...

Furthermore, just 13 percent in the poll believe that the country is headed in the right direction. That’s the lowest percentage on this question ever in the history of the NBC/Journal poll.

That calls for some serious gloating!  One, two three...Wheeeee!!  Okay, back to work.

P.S.  While the new poll numbers were being parsed on David Gregory's MSNBC show last night, the chyron said (paraphrasing): "No Bounce from Obama Trip."  Minutes later, on Hardball, Chuck Todd took great pains to say that a trip-related bounce wouldn’t be felt for several days.  Okay...now I'm really starting to miss Russert.

JEERS to wackos behind the wheel.  Right-wing columnist Bob Novak drove his Corvette into a pedestrian yesterday morning and then tried to flee the scene.  Based on his past comments, I'm sure he's real sorry:

[I]n a 2001 interview with the Washington Post, Novak said, "I really hate jaywalkers.  I despise them.  Since I don’t run the country, all I can do is yell at ‘em.  The other option is to run ‘em over, but as a compassionate conservative, I would never do that."

Uh huh.  Really.  But at least Novak had a valid excuse for being distracted: he was late for his morning feeding at the blood bank.

CHEERS to the taming of the shrew.  So Congress held hearings yesterday to get the ball rolling on getting the military's Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy tossed on the ash heap of history.  In today's must-watch, freshman Rep. Patrick Murphy---an Iraq war vet---corrects a right-winger who asserts that the biggest threat to our heterosexual men in uniform isn’t sniper fire or IEDs, but dropping the soap in the shower.  Look, lady: if a service member entrusted with handling grenades can't hold on to his Irish Spring, the problem ain't the gay guy.  [sigh]  I hate it when the conservative think tanks let their inmates wander off the grounds.

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Gong!  Gong!!  BuddaBuddaBudda... GONG!!!

We interrupt this broadcast for an important message from the hard-working elves at Think Progress:

For the record, ThinkProgress does not regularly eat Cheetos, nor do we blog in our underwear. But we do use a Google now and then.

Our next update in 20 minutes.  Bulletins at once.  Now back to Cheers and Jeers...

Gong!  Gong!!  BuddaBuddaBudda... GONG!!!

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CHEERS to great moments in standing around fake display kitchens.  On July 24, 1959, Richard Nixon---then Ike's VP---had a verbal shootout with Nikita Khruschchev on the merits of capitalism versus Communism, which later became known as the "Kitchen Debate."  It was a civilized discussion until the Soviet leader got pissed, grabbed a cheese grater, and gave Nixon a nipplectomy.  Khrushchev later said it tasted great on a Ritz.

CHEERS to the unwashed rabble.  At C&J we love each and every one of our commenters---you are the intellectual krill that passes through our gills.  So we're glad Politico's Daniel Libit took some time to write about what he calls the giant throbbing Commentocracy.  There's a good analysis of the non-stop conversation going on at Daily Kos (and other sites), and also a great example of how commenters can be rallied to help expose GOP skullduggery:

Some sites have used commenters to "crowd source."  Talking Points Memo called upon its community last March to comb through 3,000 pages of Justice Department documents.  The information they gleaned eventually became the basis for the ongoing saga of the Bush administration’s politicization of the department.

"Have at it," TPM’s Deputy Editor Paul Kiel wrote to the site’s devotees. And hundreds did, sifting through nuanced legalese and posting comments singling out eyebrow-raising passages and pages.

Kind of like the crowd sourcing we do in C&J to answer important questions.  Like who farted and what happened to all the Bacardi.

JEERS to the USA's least-enjoyable orgy.  Yes, it sucks that Republicans created conditions in this country that led to the current economic meltdown.  Yes, it sucks that bailing out mortgage giants Fannie Bryce and Freddy Krueger will cost 25 billion taxpayer dollars.  But there's a silver lining to all this bullshit and we choose to look at it this way: at least we're all getting screwed together!  Cue the porno music and let's get busy.

CHEERS to healing moments.  On July 24, 1866, Tennessee became the first state to be readmitted to the Union after the War Between the States.  Fred Thompson aside, so far it seems to be working out.  But don’t get cocky, Volunteer State...you're still on probation.

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Two Years Ago in C&J: July 24, 2006...

JEERS to Day 13, same as Day 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, and 1.  On the Israel/Lebanon border, mayhem and destruction continue as opposing sides go at it with brute force and merciless tenacity.  Which reminds me...only 4 months `til the official start of the Christmas shopping season.

CHEERS to Conservatives Without Conscience.  Holy lockstep Republican knuckledraggers, Batman!  John Dean's new book, which shines a spotlight on the rabid right's love of "authoritarianism," debuted at #2 on the New York Times bestseller list.  Meanwhile, Ann Coulter's book (we've forgotten the name) has started it's descent into the slime-hole of oblivion, and will soon be popping up at yard sales across America for the asking price of one penny.  But that's negotiable.

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And just one more...

CHEERS to the official starting gun.  Okay, folks, there's no turning back now.  Jib Jab has proclaimed that It's Time for Some Campaignin'.  (Memo to Obama: I'd like my unicorn to have pink spots, please.)  Aaaaaand...they're off!

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Oh, and happy 73rd birthday to the world's #1 political cartoonist, Pat Oliphant.  His pictures are not only worth a thousand words, they're worth a thousand cuts.  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?

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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:

"There's no question about it---Bill in Portland Maine got drunk.  Now he's got a hangover,"
---George W. Bush

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